SelfLove365, Year 3, Day 70: Lonely
I love food. I love to eat.
But wait. Hold on.
How often do I really love my food and how often do I actually enjoy eating?
Very frequently, I turn to food to avoid feeling lonely, or I eat to procrastinate. Those moments of ingestion are typically mindless and without joy. Food provides a temporary fix, and an escape from what I am trying to avoid.
Lawrence Lanoff has said, “Fuck your food”, meaning, as I understand it: enjoy every moment of eating it, really savour every bite, every flavour, every texture. Put as much energy and focus into eating as you do fucking. I tried this the day after hearing it. Putting that much focus into what I ate allowed me to experience the best piece of pizza I’d ever eaten, when in fact, it was a store-bought frozen pizza, that normally I wouldn’t think much of, but when I was “fucking my food”, MAN! Was it ever good! If frozen pizza could be that amazing, just imagine the effect on my body while eating a piece of chocolate with that much intense focus: full-body energetic orgasm! Hell, yeah!
Like most things, I tried this out one day and promptly fell back into my habitual, mindless eating patterns. My intention to slow down and enjoy it is back today, though. I’m going to fuck my food. Well, dessert, at least.
Still going strong with the 365 Project, but I am falling behind with sharing it on the blog! I am still enjoying the project, but finding it difficult to break free of the head+shoulders shots. Here’s the latest installment.
I haven’t given up on the 365 Project yet… whew! It’s still fun, and still challenging. I did miss one day, and I feel like it’s cheating to make up for it by taking two in one day, so I guess this is really the 364 Project. I kind of like the mistake, because it gives me another opportunity to embrace my non-perfectionist side, if that makes any sense!
Here’s the next installment of self portraits!
To see my other self portraits, click here.
For several years, I have thought about attempting the 365 Project; it involves taking a photo (it can be a self-portrait, but it doesn’t have to be) everyday, and posting it to a site like flickr. It seems challenging and I like the idea of having a collection of self-portraits at the end. My wonderful friend Mandy did two full years of the project, and I found her photographs to be so inspiring and delightfully creative.
On January 1st, I took a self-portrait with my iPhone, and decided then and there that I would jump right in.
Here is what I have so far, and let me tell you, it is really challenging to come up with unique and interesting ways to take a self-portrait! Let me know what you think so far!
I don’t usually go to the salon to get my hair cut – it’s a pretty rare event- once, maybe twice a year. But I am lucky to have found someone I really like for those times that I do go! She is creative and good at what she does. Of course, it probably helps to have a client who says, “Do what you like! Give me something interesting, and don’t worry about cutting too much!” (that would be me). I’m super happy with this cut! It’s even possible to see some brown hair in the back now!
Shopping with my daughters. Hanging out in the funky change rooms.
Feeling beaten by the gremlin after a day of self-bashing.
Pre-dance reflection.
Post-dance gratitude. Enjoying the late evening sun.
Twilight, after a wonderful evening of dancing.
I love looking at other people’s self-portraits, but putting my own up is a real test for me. It makes me feel really vulnerable, much more so than showing my paintings. I guess I am way more critical of my own face than of my own paintings – someday I’d like to get to that place of complete acceptance – especially without my glasses! Part of this is getting over the “what big eyes you have” complex that I developed as a child. In the meantime, I am splurging on new glasses – 2 new frames! Can’t wait.
Drawn From the Fire 