I get into a cycle of shame when I try to beat myself out of sad and into gratitude. Constantly need to relearn that each feeling has its place, and needs to be felt. It can’t be beaten out of me with gratitude.
Painting with lots of colour helps me to keep going. The not-good-enough story is working hard to perpetuate itself today. I need to get under the sun.
I want you to have this painting. Make me an offer. ❤️
This whole journey of self love is based on the premise that there is a self to love.
If there is a self to love, who is it that is loving this self of mine?
Is the self who is receiving the love a different entity than the one who is giving it?
If the love I feel for another is really a reflection of the love I have for myself, then what is the love I have for myself?
Is it even possible to love my self?
Are these questions just another way I avoid loving myself?
Every time I hear or read about someone proclaiming self love, I wonder how they are doing it. Does it come easily to them? Do they feel it all the time?
I’m in the second year of my SelfLove365 project, and I still feel like I’m a long way away from loving myself fully. I know I do a lot of great things for myself, and that in this moment I’m focussing on what I’m not doing, but so be it. Right now, all I can see are the ways in which I don’t love me. The way I allow my habits to control my life and my health and well-being. The way I allow these habits to keep me from feeling my absolute best. These are ways to maintain the truth (as I’ve always believed) about not being good enough.
When will I finally be able to let go of that belief, take control of my life, and love myself? I feel like it would be so easy to make the switch, and that it’s not complicated at all.
My now 14-year old daughter asked me today, “Mom, how can I stop comparing myself to girls who are skinny?” And so it begins… The goal to accept, love, validate and approve of myself is often a difficult struggle- I find these days, more than ever before, the child in me is seeking these things CONSTANTLY. It feels like insanity.