Author Archives: belknits

About belknits

38-ish mother of 3, artist, and creator of crafty stuff made out of paper, glue, yarn, and other things. Always trying to be a better me... and always trying to accept myself for who I am RIGHT NOW.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 108: Playful

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I don’t feel playful right now. I’m angry. But, I’m also wearing a rainbow tutu, rainbow leg warmers, and miniature rainbow cake earrings, with sprinkles. Is it possible to be playful and angry at the same time? I suppose it is. I played Marilyn Manson, punched my pillow, and stomped around like a three year old having a temper tantrum (while wearing my tutu). I am playfully angry. I’m hoping to move past the anger into something else, but I can see how that’s just another way for me to resist my anger. For now, I’ll sit with being angry. In my tutu.

For more information about the SelfLove365 Project, click here.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 107: Present

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How can I be truly present to what this moment has to offer me?
(can I stop worrying about how I appear to others?)

How can I be truly present to this person in front of me?
(can I let go of all my pre-conceived ideas of who you are and allow you to show up as someone completely unknown to me?)

How can I be truly present to what my body is telling me?
(can I pause, be still, and listen to the messages?)

What if I’m not truly present?
(can I allow for spacing out, for not being perfect at being present, for being present to something other than the world around or inside me?)

To learn more about the SelfLove365 Project, click here.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 106: Intuition

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Lately, my intuition has been heightened, to the point of sending me signals about things before they even happen. Sometimes I miss the signals, and realize soon afterwards where I had missed them. Recently, though, I have caught the signals, and predicted events before they occurred. It’s been rather freaky! But maybe not, really, since I suppose that’s what intuition implies, isn’t it – a knowing about something before it happens. Maybe my “heightened” intuition is no more than a greater awareness of what was already there to begin with.

I appreciate having the subtle intuition of my body – when it tells me that something I say isn’t going to land quite right, or when it gives me the instinct to change the direction I am taking, to choose another path.

The body is like a radio, picking up frequencies from the universe, translating them into something I can understand. Whether or not I choose to listen is up to me.

To learn more about the SelfLove365 project, click here.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 105: Friends

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These are the people who hold me up when I’m feeling down.

These are the wonders who put a smile on my face and listen to me cry.

These are the crazies who sing off-key and understand my silliness.

These are the serious ones who get my quirks and know that I get theirs.

These are the shining lights who I don’t spend a lot of in-person time with, but their online comments cheer me on.

These are the beautiful souls who want to see me, who want to hear me.

Thank you, friends.

<3

To learn more about the SelfLove365 Project, click here.

SelfLove 365, Year 2, Day 104: (little girl)

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Last night, a friend described me as exuberant and outgoing. This description surprised me. Apparently my self-analysis hasn’t changed much from when I was 8 years old; I still see myself as shy, quiet, introverted, and sensitive. Comments like the one I received last night remind me how much my external persona has changed, but also how much I still internally identify as a little girl. She is still wanting, and needing, attention, comfort, safety, security, support, and lots of cuddles.

For more information on the SelfLove365 project, click here.

SelfLove 365, Year 2, Day 103: Taking Care of Me

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There’s this: today I sliced a small flap of skin off my finger. I wasn’t paying attention while I was cutting a board with an X-acto knife (and this is not the first time this has happened either – I did the same thing almost exactly 20 years ago).

So, knowing this just happened, I’m inclined to say I don’t take care of myself well, but considering what happened afterwards, I’d say I did a pretty good job. I immediately sent an audio message to a friend, who called me within a few seconds. I knew I was in a bit of shock, and he helped to ground me by talking me through what to do. I rinsed and bandaged my finger, cried, and kept talking to him until I felt sufficiently back to my normal state of consciousness. I ate lunch and gave myself time to read in the sunlight. Then I went to the Medicentre to have it properly dressed.

A friend told me that the finger I cut is associated with power, and this message resonated for me. One of the ways I don’t take care of myself is by cutting my own power, cutting myself down (like telling myself I’m not enough, not doing enough, like I did above, when I equated cutting myself with not taking care of me), and choosing to be less than I can be. While I have some growth to be had in terms of taking care of my physical body, my inner world is where I really want to learn to take care of myself, to fill myself up, boost my energy, and recharge my power.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 102: Try New Things

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I’ve read that one of the common traits among people who say they are happy is that they often try new things. Trying new things can be exciting, demanding, interesting, challenging, fun and rewarding. At times, it pushes me outside my comfort zone, and gives me an opportunity to be vulnerable. I usually feel a strong sense of awareness, mindfulness, and satisfaction when trying something new.

To Try: New foods, new restaurants, new sexual positions, techniques and locations, new painting materials and techniques, new knitting patterns, new musical instruments, new traveling destinations, new ways of being, new evening outings, and even something as simple as doing things with my left hand instead of my right.

To learn more about the SelfLove365 Project, click here.