SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 114: Getting It All Done


This is a strange topic to write about while sitting on a plane. There’s nothing to do, really. It’s all been done already.
I packed.
I watered the plants (and sopped up the spilled water with towels).
I made lunches and drove the kids to school.
I filled the car with gas.
I called my neighbour to please check the house to make sure I didn’t leave any candles burning (paranoid).
Now I’m doing my daily writing practice.
And then I’m done, and I can simply be.

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 113: DO IT


I know it’s Nike’s motto, but I’ve been borrowing it for the last few years: “Just do it”. I can think and overthink, until I kill an idea. I prefer to think a bit, and then just do it. There is absolutely no way to 100 % predict how something will turn out, so I would rather just do it, and deal with the consequences after. When I posed nude for a figure drawing class, it felt like I quickly jumped into saying “yes” (in reality, I had wanted to do this for years, but was waiting for the opportunity to jump) without any idea of what it would be like.

Today I had the idea of popping over to a friend’s house unannounced. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided to do it, based on my expectation that he would both like the surprise and enjoy seeing me (and I thought it would be awesome to arrive at 11:11am, which I did, because we often send each other “Make a wish” texts at 11:11). It didn’t turn out that way – he wasn’t happy about the surprise, and even had some anger that I would show up unexpectedly. Had I known this would be his reaction, I likely wouldn’t have stuck to my motto of “just do it”. I’m glad I did, though, since it gave us both an opportunity to feel (his anger, and my feelings of rejection), to speak our truth, and to grow; this failed surprise showed me very clearly how I still have expectations around others’ behaviours. I want to consciously let go of these expectations, or at least be more aware of having them.

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 112: Resting


Much of the time, I put off resting.

“I will rest after I get this done.”
“I will rest, but first I want to talk to…”
“I will rest once I have…”

Or I absentmindedly get lost in the online ocean and end up going to bed later than I intended.

More and more, I am hearing a desire for rest in my body. And more and more, I am actually heeding that call. Occasionally, I will give myself a 30-minute nap in the middle of the day, but usually only when I am on the brink of exhaustion.

I remember reading about the critical importance of naps in SARK’s books years ago, and wondering how she ever had time for work if she was always napping – didn’t she have deadlines to meet? I’m learning that naps may be a crucial part scheduling for a creative person. Not only do they provide well needed rest, but when else do I get the quiet, the peace, and the opportunity for my mind to wander at will and envision amazing things? Truly, my mind presents me with some pretty funky stuff as I begin to drift off!

The trick is in believing that I deserve to take that time for myself.

I’m starting to feel sleepy now…

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 111: Body Awareness


Skull skin: taut
Sinuses: painful to press
Neck: tightness with potential for twang
Shoulders: lifted and purposefully lowered
Heart: fearful, loving, open and closed, on and off
Tummy: slightly bloated
Right hip: slight flare
Genitals: awake with attention
Thighs: full
Knees: wary
Ankles: longing
Soles: needing reverse pressure

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 110: (hobby)


I was going to call this one, “(knitting)”, but it’s not just about knitting, because a new hobby is calling me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up knitting. I have way too much yarn to do that, and I still love it, too. I’ve committed to making only hand knit (or handmade) gifts for my nephew, and I am also about halfway through knitting the “Bel cardigan”, which was named after me and designed by my amazing and supremely talented friend, Mandy Moore.

Now, I want to learn how to play the guitar. I’ve played three band instruments in my lifetime (clarinet, flute and trombone), and spent a summer learning how to play the harp, but I’ve never before had an interest in, or lay a hand on, a guitar. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of watching and listening to Braden play guitar, and the more I’ve heard, the more I’ve become interested in trying. He taught me a few riffs last night, and I could almost feel my brain working at it, like it was lifting weights. This feels fun and challenging, and developing new neural pathways seems like a smart thing for a 42 year old brain to do. I can’t wait to rock out!

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 109: Helpful


Today I risked feeling like too much by sharing this with 70 people at a retreat: for most of my life, I thought I wasn’t very sexual – that I could live the rest of my life without sex and be just fine with that. I feel very differently now. I have changed, my circumstances and relationships have changed, and I am beginning to see the connection between the flow of my sexual energy and the flow of my creative energy. It’s really all the same thing, my life force, and I want it all to be flowing! My experiences have been powerfully healing, beautiful beyond words, and incredibly exciting. I am hopeful that by sharing this with others, I am also being helpful: by giving others hope, by giving them permission to speak up and make changes in their lives, or to have someone to talk to (yes, I would love to talk to you about this!).

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 108: Playful


I don’t feel playful right now. I’m angry. But, I’m also wearing a rainbow tutu, rainbow leg warmers, and miniature rainbow cake earrings, with sprinkles. Is it possible to be playful and angry at the same time? I suppose it is. I played Marilyn Manson, punched my pillow, and stomped around like a three year old having a temper tantrum (while wearing my tutu). I am playfully angry. I’m hoping to move past the anger into something else, but I can see how that’s just another way for me to resist my anger. For now, I’ll sit with being angry. In my tutu.

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