Flex it. Strengthen. Practice and move.
Relax it. Soften. Hear and surrender.
Tighten it. Strain. Harden and ache.
Remember it. Listen. Release and allow.
When I feel unsupported, my lower back aches.
When I am holding back what I want to say, my throat constricts.
When I am being a perfect perfectionist, my skin breaks out.
When I am insecure and feeling a lack of self-worth, I shut off feeling from the neck down. I’m working on opening this up, so I can access my body’s wisdom in this.
When I am ecstatic, my skin tingles, and my blood warms me.
When I am aroused, my skin shivers at the slightest touch.
When I am nervous, my cheeks flush.
My body listens. My body knows. My body never lies.
Another Kids Collaboration is complete! My Ma requested one from each of her grandchildren. It was a blast!
Want a special painting made by your child and spiced up by me? It’s the perfect gift for any occasion! Click here!
Lately, whenever I’ve been triggered into feeling a lack of self-worth, I’ve been turning to B to help me through it. I always have the awareness that this is something I want to be able to do on my own, but most of the time I feel stuck, and so I don’t. We agreed last night that I will, for the time being, refrain from contacting him when I’m feeling this way. It’s draining on his energy, and it’s keeping me from developing my own skills at helping myself feel what I’m feeling, to move through it, and most importantly, it’s preventing me from discovering my own inner wisdom and strength. By leeching from his, I don’t have the need to find my own.
My body holds the wisdom I seek, and I look forward to discovering what it wants to say. It’s like I’m an explorer of a new land, charting the territory of the emotions as they arise in my body. This place within me is mostly undiscovered, and while it’s scary for me to contemplate doing this on my own, I expect that experiencing it for myself will be a rich and fulfilling journey.
I choose to stay open to experiencing all my feelings.
I choose to stay open to a life of abundance.
I choose to stay open to another’s discomfort or anger, while taking care of myself, and remaining grounded.
I choose to stay open to making mistakes, not being perfect, and shutting down in my ability to do what I know would help me in the moment.
I choose to stay open to laughter, fun, joy, pleasure, and happiness.
I choose to stay open to sadness, anger, grief, frustration and despair.
I choose to stay open to the possibilities in new friendships, new connections, and new days.
I choose to stay open to the world around me.
I choose to stay open the the need to shut down once in awhile, and close off from the world. In doing so, I am choosing to remain open to my internal world.
I choose to stay open to the existence of choice, and the certainty of change.
I create drama in my life when I allow my stories and triggers to take control of my situation. These days, I almost always have the awareness that this is happening, but then further the drama by allowing myself to judge the drama that I am creating. The drama exists mainly within my mind and goes on and on, like a hamster on a wheel.
Today I was able to break free of the downward spiral by giving a voice to the judgements, the stories, and the triggers. I usually am willing to write these things out, but if I’m stuck in a drama of my own making, with another person present, I tend to hold these things back for fear of being “too much”, or just a little bit crazy.
When B suggested today that I voice the judgements and self-defeating thoughts out loud, I had a feeling it would help. I was grateful for the nudge, and grateful for his presence and willingness to openly receive and hear the thoughts of my crazy mind. Allowing the hamster on that wheel to get some air seems to help the wheel to stop spinning – for the time being, anyway.
How much will I allow myself to feel? How far into myself can I reach?
Today I have been practicing asking for what I want, and the first step is figuring out what I want. This feels like a process of diving deep within myself to discover what is there. It’s an excavation. Feeling, allowing myself to feel, also seems like a chiseling away, like Michelangelo finding the sculpture within the block of marble. The more I chisel and the deeper I dig, then the more I can find out what I want, the more I can feel deeply, and live authentically.