It was all she could do to feel her feet on the ground. Never mind that. She completely forgot to feel her feet on the ground. She completely forgot she even had feet. She spent the day in her head. She spent the day in the future. She spent the day worried and scared and in fear of rejection. She spent the day doing things, keeping busy so her fears would leave, even for a second. She cleaned, she cooked, she hugged her children and played Battleship. But those pesky thoughts kept coming back and reminding her that this time tomorrow, she could be old news. Trash thrown out the back door – forgotten. But wait, she reminded herself, this is the old story. She reminded herself that she is who she is, whether or not she’s rejected by another. She’s strong. She’s capable. She’ll manage. She knows how connecting with someone doesn’t mean forgetting others and throwing them away. Except that the voices in her head try to convince her that she’s wrong and that that’s exactly what she did, herself. Those voices are wrong. Those voices are wrong. Those voices are wrong! There was no throwing away. There was a realization, a truth revealed, an understanding, and then a moving on. She finds herself desperately wanting to know what’s happening elsewhere, to be a fly on the wall, or bigger than that. Except that would probably be even harder, truthfully, than not knowing at all. She can’t wait for the day to end, to move on from the thoughts swirling in her head, keeping her from connecting to her power, to the Source, to Earth. She finally presses play, lets the music flood in, the tears flow out, and her feet can finally feel the ground.
Drawn From the Fire 