Category Archives: Uncategorized

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 200: Legs

  

Holding me upright all day long, since I stand almost always.
Wrapped around your legs, pulling you closer.
Stubbly in winter, smooth in summer.
Not noticeably tight until I dig into the muscles with a ball or roller; then, ow.
Wearing rainbow knee high socks or leg warmers – my favourite!
Spread for pleasure; squeezed tight for more.
Homemade patches on the knees of my jeans.
Void of feeling after an hour of driving in the car.
Strong feature, I’ve been told.

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 199: Give

  

Sometimes I feel like I don’t give enough- that I’m more of a taker. I demand and take attention, love, patience and energy. How much do I actually give?

We hear so often that it’s better to give than to receive, so I have some judgements about being on the receiving end often, even though:
1. There cannot truly be giving unless someone is willing to receive (speaking of which, I do have some work to do in this area, too).
2. It’s probably not actually true that I don’t give enough. I know I’m hard on myself in this way. It is probably true that I don’t give myself enough gentleness, though.

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 198: All Mixed Up

  

I love being near you, and I want you to go away.
I love you, and I want you to shut the fuck up.
I want you to pay attention to me, and I want you to leave me alone.
I want to be all by myself, and I don’t want to feel lonely.
I want to be told I’m beautiful, and I don’t want to give a damn what anyone thinks.
I love my life, and I want to disappear.
I feel my purpose is to grow, and I have no clue why I am here.
I am a shitty parent, and I am doing the best I can, which is pretty damn good.
I am a hard worker, and my bad habits control my life.
I want to be seen, and I don’t want you to look too closely.
I’m scared of rejection, and I continually reject myself.
I am too much, and I am not enough.
I aim to be vulnerable, and I don’t want to feel my feelings fully.
I know how to take care of myself, and I consistently don’t do it.
I am too self-involved, and I don’t know how to not be so.

To learn more about the SelfLove365 project, click here.
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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 197: Taking Time for Me

  

When I haven’t taken enough time for myself, I can become impatient, irritable, and tired. I’m nearing the end of a month with my children as a single parent, for the first time in my life. I have taken some time to myself during that month, but I’m beginning to see signs of needing more.

Me time= naps, evenings out, walks, dancing, sex, and reading or knitting in silence

Heck, even working would be me-time, as there isn’t much time to do this either, with the kids always around. I have a full month of me-time approaching and I am excited for it!

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 195: Sewing on my Shadow

  
Dear Shadow, 

I keep you near because you teach me how to appreciate the good things in my life. 

You are my dark side- the stories and vulnerabilities, the fears and hurts, the sadness and the pain. 

As long as there is light in my life, you will exist and I will not ignore you. I sew you on to keep you grounded and secure, and with me. You are a part of me, but you do not define me. I will learn from you, but I will not focus on you all the time. 

Love, Belinda (I made you)

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 194: Time With Children

  

He frequently says, “I’m awesome.”

He hugs me often, saying he needs to “charge up”. He hugs me even after spending an hour being grouchy and spitting all his venom in my direction.

They all want hugs before I leave. Many, many hugs.

They are so proud of the stories, and dolls, and drawings they create.

They look out for each other and want to make a difference in the world.

They have big dreams, big imaginations, and even bigger hearts.

My teachers, my children.

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 193: Remembering My Path

  

Sometimes I think I know what my path is: to grow, to learn to trust, to create, to inspire, to just be, to love myself, to love others, to see that I am enough.

How can I really know what my path is? I can’t see it ahead of me; I can only see where I’ve been, and how far I’ve travelled. There is much to be learned from paying attention to the path I have already taken.

Also, today James Jesso asked, “What is in the way of your path?”, and then later suggested that whatever is in our way, is actually “of our way”. That which I think is holding me back (tonight, it was my belief that I’m not good enough), is actually helping me along my path. I continue to visit this story, to see where it just isn’t true, to notice when it is true, to see how it shapes my beliefs and actions. I am, in fact, choosing this thing that holds me back – I’m choosing to allow it into my life, to bring me whatever lessons it is going to teach. The moment I am ready to drop it, then I will choose to do so (in theory, anyway).

To learn more about the SelfLove365 project, click here.
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