Tag Archives: appreciation

I Seek

 
My now 14-year old daughter asked me today, “Mom, how can I stop comparing myself to girls who are skinny?” And so it begins… The goal to accept, love, validate and approve of myself is often a difficult struggle- I find these days, more than ever before, the child in me is seeking these things CONSTANTLY. It feels like insanity. 

“Seek”, Pussy Series #2

$30 each, $100 for the set

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 66: Appreciation

IMG_0936

I noticed today that I didn’t feel appreciated by another. Then I remembered how my husband didn’t feel appreciated by me. Byron Katie’s “The Work” comes to mind and reminds me to first question if it’s true that “you don’t appreciate me”. I may feel that way and so say yes (but I am not, because I know this isn’t true). The second question to ask is: “can I absolutely know that this is true?” No, of course not.

The third question Katie asks is, “How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?” When I believe that I am not appreciated, I blame the other, and make requests or demands (in my head, at least) that he would need to fulfil so that I do feel appreciated. I also build a wall against that person, and don’t want to be open and vulnerable anymore.

The final question she asks is, “Who would you be without that thought, and turn the initial thought around around and find three genuine examples of how the turnaround is true.” Without the thought that “You don’t appreciate me”, I feel lighter. I have a sense of expanding, of being held, of openness, and that I can be anyone I want to be. It feels freeing to not need the validation from others.

The turnarounds of “You don’t appreciate me” would be:

“I don’t appreciate me.” This is absolutely true. I consistently negate the efforts I take at loving and appreciating myself and don’t celebrate my successes.

“I don’t appreciate you.” Quite likely this is true. I tend to focus on the things you do that piss me off, rather than the things you do that are wonderful. In the midst of my anger in not feeling appreciated, I was able to tap into how much I still wanted to be with this person, and how much love I feel. I called him to tell him so, and it felt like, in that moment, my anger dissipated.

“You do appreciate me.” Yes, this is true. I have seen examples of ways you appreciate me, through words and behaviours.

Twins! Tears! Tiring!

We went to visit our friends’ baby twin girls yesterday. When we arrived they were lying on a nursing pillow while their mom fed them their bottles. Their eyes were closed, their little mouths were sucking, their teeny necks looked so fragile. Well! I did not expect myself to cry, but I just couldn’t help it! They reminded me so much of our twin girls (who are 10 now) and I had the sense that I missed so much back then. I was so happy to hear how well these parents are doing, and how grateful they are for these babies – I think they are getting the most out of their time with them. I wish I could go back in time, just for a bit, to really appreciate those little bundles! It just reminds me so much to appreciate who they are right now.

I held Jenna for most of the time we were there. While I loved holding her, one thing is clear: I am done having babies! I don’t think I have the energy for that any more. The whole time I was holding her, I was thinking, “How do you do this, with two babies?” How easily I have forgotten!

Here are the paintings I made for the girls: