I create drama in my life when I allow my stories and triggers to take control of my situation. These days, I almost always have the awareness that this is happening, but then further the drama by allowing myself to judge the drama that I am creating. The drama exists mainly within my mind and goes on and on, like a hamster on a wheel.
Today I was able to break free of the downward spiral by giving a voice to the judgements, the stories, and the triggers. I usually am willing to write these things out, but if I’m stuck in a drama of my own making, with another person present, I tend to hold these things back for fear of being “too much”, or just a little bit crazy.
When B suggested today that I voice the judgements and self-defeating thoughts out loud, I had a feeling it would help. I was grateful for the nudge, and grateful for his presence and willingness to openly receive and hear the thoughts of my crazy mind. Allowing the hamster on that wheel to get some air seems to help the wheel to stop spinning – for the time being, anyway.
Drawn From the Fire 