SelfLove365 Year 2 Day 2: Good Listener
I am listening to myself cry. I can’t stop crying and I can’t stop listening. I am listening to the “Ghosts” album by NIN, which is haunting and beautiful and reminds me of last night. Dancing to the same album last night was how I released my body from being stuck in a place of shame. Before sitting down to write today, I turned it on again, and really listened to my body. The tears flowed immediately as I moved, but today, I also feel lonely. I am allowing it. I am listening. I am feeling lonely and noticing the desire to fix it. I am feeling lonely and and also noticing the desire to stay with it and see what it wants to show me. I feel alone, but also feel connected to everything in that aloneness.
Today I experienced tears of passion, tears of pleasure, tears of shame, tears of loneliness and tears of being alive. I am listening to the sound of my tears.
Only four days left of SelfLove365! I began this project on Jan 1 of this year, drawing a 1″ x 1″ square of something I love (or like, or
tolerate accept) about myself with the hope of loving myself by the end of the year.
It’s been a tremendous journey. I’ve learned many things along the way. One is: why do I need to love myself in the first place? Another: if I am loving myself, who is the “I” doing the loving, and who is being loved? Yet another: I can not be described by any one thing. I am all things, at different times. We all are.
Doing something creative on a daily basis has brought so many benefits into my life; because I am being creative everyday, I wasn’t once hard on myself for not being creative, even when I hadn’t painted during a two week period. Also, the daily practice gave me a sense of accomplishment and committment, even while I let go of other major commitments in my life (mainly, my marriage). I was also asked to teach a SelfLove365 class earlier in the year, and I jumped in, even though I haven’t taught a class before. It was a great experience, and has given me the courage to leap into other ventures. This class led me to also start a SelfLove365 Facebook group (please join us and share your projects!)
I am ready (and scared) to begin my new 365 project. I am going to tackle writing (this feels challenging to me, that’s why!) with the focus again on SelfLove. Each day, I will write an entry based on the square that I drew for that day in 2014. My ultimate goal here is to create a SelfLove365 Book. Ack! Scary! This is the only way I can think of to commit to it. I have had “write SelfLove365 book” on my To Do List for the past 5 months or so, and nothing has really happened! I look forward to starting on January 1st, and to receiving your encouragement and support in this project (Please! Thanks!).
Happy New Year everyone!
I am super excited to be published in Art Journaling magazine! My issue just arrived yesterday in the mail, which is good, because I was getting tired of hounding the Indigo staff. I
Let me tell you, all those hours of uploading my images online really paid off. I used to beat myself up about how much time I spent on the computer (OK, I still do sometimes), but now it all seems worth it!
So, here’s the thing: I want to celebrate this. I tend to do things and then move on really quickly. I guess I did sort of celebrate being included in “Journal It!” by Jenny Doh – I went to Santa Ana for the book launch, and had a great time. But I don’t feel like I really internalized either of these events yet. What to do? I’m thinking of having a me-day: massage, movie, something like that. Any ideas? But beyond treating myself, how do I fully wrap my head around this? Maybe it just takes time…
Hope you enjoy the issue. The sketchbook pages that are featured in the article are fairly old, from about 2008/9, but the writing is all recent, and all mine (holy crap! I wrote an article)!
This is my first week of getting back into painting. While my son is in preschool (and daughters are in grade school), I paint. I bring all my stuff to the school and paint in the parent room. Sometimes I end up talking to other parents, sometimes I just read, but mostly I paint. I like to think of myself as the artist-in-residence at our school. Quite an official sounding title, isn’t it?
This painting here is from last school year’s batch. I usually mask out areas, then paint with watercolour, and add the pen work last. That’s the hardest part, for sure. I want to use my own words, but I don’t consider myself a “good writer”, and I am unsure if my words will appeal to others, so I tend to use quotations that resonate for me. I’m starting to grow into the idea of using my own words now, to keep the art more my own (does that make sense? See?! Sometimes I don’t know how to put into words what I’m trying to say!!).
I have had some really great compliments these past two days. One was about me as an artist, and one about me as a friend. The last one was really touching – my friend told me she was thinking about me in the car, about “how cool” I am. Just the fact that she was thinking about me was so wonderful to hear.