Tag Archives: sexuality

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 225: Fantasy

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I recall having fantasies, as a child, that involved being rescued by a fireman, who was somehow physically impaired.

As I grew older, my fantasies grew more sexual in nature, influenced, I’m sure, by the pornography I read and looked at from a very young age. I used to feel ashamed of these fantasies, and still do feel that way about some of them.

I recently shared some of my fantasies with my lover. Even though I know other people have the same fantasies, it is reassuring to see that he doesn’t find me freaky, or run away from me, after hearing about them. More than reassuring, it is absolutely self-affirming. It’s a totally vulnerable act to share my deepest, darkest fantasies, and I am so grateful to know I am still loved and wanted after revealing them.

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I Need To Know If I Am Bad or Good

Yesterday I felt strong, today I feel overwhelmed.
I want support, and I fear I am being too much.
My perception of who I am is cracking and the old me is desperately clinging on, raging, being really nasty.

This painting I completed yesterday has a little of everything: childhood images of safety, recent exploration of sexual healing, proclamations of self-love and windows of vulnerability.

"I Need To Know if I Am Bad or Good" 24" x 24", $750

“I Need To Know if I Am Bad or Good” 24″ x 24″, $750

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 109: Helpful

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Today I risked feeling like too much by sharing this with 70 people at a retreat: for most of my life, I thought I wasn’t very sexual – that I could live the rest of my life without sex and be just fine with that. I feel very differently now. I have changed, my circumstances and relationships have changed, and I am beginning to see the connection between the flow of my sexual energy and the flow of my creative energy. It’s really all the same thing, my life force, and I want it all to be flowing! My experiences have been powerfully healing, beautiful beyond words, and incredibly exciting. I am hopeful that by sharing this with others, I am also being helpful: by giving others hope, by giving them permission to speak up and make changes in their lives, or to have someone to talk to (yes, I would love to talk to you about this!).

To learn more about the SelfLove365 project, click here.