Tag Archives: perfectionism

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 306: Protect

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I often look to others for protection. As a perfectionist, I can be extremely hard on myself, often lacking in compassion and gentleness in my thoughts. Sometimes I need to be protected from myself and I need help doing it, but because I’m a perfectionist, I expect me to do it alone.

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 297: Shit, no. Today I’m ok, I guess.

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It’s actually ok to feel like shit.
It’s actually ok to feel happy.
It’s actually ok to not know how the fuck I am feeling.
It’s actually ok to not share any of it.
It’s actually ok to share all of it.
It’s actually ok to not know what’s right, or what’s wrong, because these things do not really exist.
It’s actually ok to cry my eyes out in public.
It’s actually ok to enjoy my life without feeling guilty that others do not.
It’s actually ok to just feel ok, or to not feel anything at all.
Everything is actually ok.

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 132: (to do)

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Every day, I hear a voice in my head berating me for not getting things done, for wasting time, and for procrastinating too much. This is the signal for me to be gentle with myself, which doesn’t always happen.

I would like to remember that expecting myself to switch from not needing to work, to wanting to support myself as a full-time artist (while also maintaining a household and caring for three children) possibly requires a bit of a transition period.

Learning new habits, developing confidence, implementing scheduling and focusing on what needs to be done, aren’t skills I can realistically expect to be in place immediately. I still do, though, because I’m a perfectionist, dammit!

I am learning more about what I need to make my full-time work suit me: flexible hours (check!), fun (check!), accountability (I’m thinking about, and working on, this), allowing myself breaks (other than Facebook!), variety – alternating computer and physical/creative tasks (check!), and commitment (check!)

Setting the intention that I will commit to working for a set period of time each day will help keep me from distraction, I hope. The addition of self-recognition for a job well done to this set of needs is important. I’ve always been a seeker of praise, and giving myself some (because who else is going to do it?) will help motivate me to continue working effectively; the only way I’ll get the praise it to do the work.

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SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 52: dem Mom Skillz

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I may not do these things all the time (OK, I know I don’t, and I know I preface this way because I’m a perfectionist and wish I could do these things all the time, but feel bad that I don’t), but these are my mom skills that are working, most of the time:

  1. Patience. Yeah, I’m having particular trouble ignoring the times that I am not patient, but if I’m really honest, I’d say that these moments are few and far between these days – it’s easier now that they aren’t toddlers.
  2. Mean what I say, and follow through. I’m pretty good at this one, perhaps because I’m stubborn. Haha!
  3. Listening. My goal is to always listen and thoroughly, with eye contact, with presence, to my children – in a way that they feel heard. It doesn’t always happen, and I’m particularly hard on myself when it doesn’t. Sometimes I’m distracted, or busy, or both. But still, it’s my goal. Constantly.
  4. Quality time. This is directly related to #3.
  5. Hugs. Lots of them. Again, I’m not perfect at this. I want to give them more hugs than I do. Although sometimes, I give more kisses than my son appears to want (he wipes them off). Like Charlotte Diamond sings, “four hugs a day, that’s the minimum”.
  6. Open, candid, honest. I have spoken to my children about sex and puberty and related topics, with candor and openness, since they could speak. I feel strongly that knowledge is power and particularly in this area, I want them to have a sense of strength, power and wisdom when it comes to their bodies and their sex lives.
  7. Teaching responsiblity. My children have been doing chores for many years now – age appropriate things that I resented doing when I was asked as a teenager to start doing for the first time. They are learning what it takes to keep a house in order, learning how to work together, and sometimes they even enjoy themselves. I’ve even heard these words spoken:  “cleaning toilets is fun!” and “cleaning mirrors is my favourite chore”.
  8. Setting examples. The best way I know how to do this is by taking care of my own needs. I go dancing once a week, and have been for the past ten years. I go away on holiday without the children, and take naps or quiet time as needed. I express my anger in healthy ways.

Perfectionism doesn’t die easily.

If at all. Lots of thinking during my last day at the beach. Not all of it on paper yet, though.

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