Tag Archives: nine inch nails

SelfLove365 Year 2, Day 2: Good Listener

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SelfLove365 Year 2 Day 2: Good Listener

I am listening to myself cry. I can’t stop crying and I can’t stop listening. I am listening to the “Ghosts” album by NIN, which is haunting and beautiful and reminds me of last night. Dancing to the same album last night was how I released my body from being stuck in a place of shame. Before sitting down to write today, I turned it on again, and really listened to my body. The tears flowed immediately as I moved, but today, I also feel lonely. I am allowing it. I am listening. I am feeling lonely and noticing the desire to fix it. I am feeling lonely and and also noticing the desire to stay with it and see what it wants to show me. I feel alone, but also feel connected to everything in that aloneness.

Today I experienced tears of passion, tears of pleasure, tears of shame, tears of loneliness and tears of being alive. I am listening to the sound of my tears.

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Nine Inch Nails, Procrastination, and Deadlines

To start, I will admit it. I suck at blogging. Or rather, I suck at blogging regularly. I am not going to make anymore promises about blogging more, because I can’t seem to keep them. I have been doing other things regularly – meditating, 365project, dancing – these are the things that feed my soul right now, that give me pleasure. Blogging would be up there if I didn’t have to do it on a computer. Someday, when I can blog from my brain directly to the world wide web, then I will be a regular blogger!

This week I’ve been busy, busy, busy. Well, mostly. I started the week off by attending the Nine Inch Nails concert. LOVED it, LOVE Trent, but have a little bit of disappointment, because Calgary didn’t get to see the mega-awesome light/video spectacle that was supposed to accompany it. Now I KNOW it is about the music, and it IS, but having seen them before, and having been blown away before by the visuals, and having read about how spectacular they were this time around, I couldn’t help but be disappointed when it didn’t happen. Poo. Next time, I’m going to Edmonton or Vancouver, too.

Then, I had five paintings to start (and finish) in four days. I did it, but not without some procrastination. I was worried at first about the deadline, but then I remembered that I used to finish two paintings in two hours at Gorilla House on a weekly basis, so surely I could complete 5 paintings in four days. I love having the deadline – it gives me that push I need to get something done. I can procrastinate quite a bit when I don’t have a deadline, to the point of getting nothing done. Somehow, when I do have the deadline, I still procrastinate, but within limits. I know my limits, and somehow know just how much time I really need to get the job done.

I went through the awkward phase of painting, like I usually do, but set myself the goal of remaining truly authentic to whatever is coming up. I don’t try to please people when I paint, but I do sometimes have thoughts like, “This isn’t real art”, or “Nobody will like this”, or “It’s too colourful” (HA!). I really tried to focus this week on being me, without apologies. I know having all the colours of the rainbow in a painting isn’t for everyone. I certainly don’t like every painting I see. But this is how I paint, and as long as I enjoy painting this way, as long as I am happy with the process and (usually) the end result, then I am being authentic. And hopefully, a few people will like it, too. Oh, and yes, I listened to NIN while painting, the entire week.

And here’s what happened this week:
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And here are the final paintings. They are all for sale, and are going to be on display at a coffee shop in Calgary for December. Yay!:

“Universe” 12″ x 36″ $390
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“These Three Things” 12″ x 24″ $260
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“Underneath It All” 12″ x 24″ $260
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“Roots” 12″ x 12″ $150
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“Chaos” 12″ x 12″ $150
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Flashback Friday: 2007

It may not feel that long ago, but it sure looks it! The kids were tiny! I love this shot of all of us.

I couldn’t resist using this one! I love the Billy Idol sneer, the robe, the cheeks, everything!

I think the only pictures of JP and I are in the airport! And look: braids!!

From the CD vault: “Meet your Master” by Nine Inch Nails. This is from the album “Year Zero”, which according to Wikipedia “is a concept album that criticizes contemporary policies of the United States government by presenting a dystopian vision of the year 2022”. I never looked this up before today, but I have listened to the album countless times, all the way through, and was aware of the storyline through the songs. It is such a powerful album, and you probably already know about my love for Trent Reznor’s music, but I am constantly struck by his ability to make industrial music beautiful. There is always something in it that sends a chill down my spine. In this song, it is around 2:48, where the strings come in behind the screechy guitar (ok, I’m sure it’s all electronic, but you know what I mean). I would suggest listening to the whole song, though, not just that part. Never mind that, get that album. It’s pretty rare that I like an entire album all the way through.

“In this Twilight” is the second to last song on the album. This song is pure genius. Another great example of the mixing of industrial sounds with incredible melody. It was the final song played at the concert I went to several years ago, and such a moving way to end it.