SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 110: (hobby)

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I was going to call this one, “(knitting)”, but it’s not just about knitting, because a new hobby is calling me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up knitting. I have way too much yarn to do that, and I still love it, too. I’ve committed to making only hand knit (or handmade) gifts for my nephew, and I am also about halfway through knitting the “Bel cardigan”, which was named after me and designed by my amazing and supremely talented friend, Mandy Moore.

Now, I want to learn how to play the guitar. I’ve played three band instruments in my lifetime (clarinet, flute and trombone), and spent a summer learning how to play the harp, but I’ve never before had an interest in, or lay a hand on, a guitar. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of watching and listening to Braden play guitar, and the more I’ve heard, the more I’ve become interested in trying. He taught me a few riffs last night, and I could almost feel my brain working at it, like it was lifting weights. This feels fun and challenging, and developing new neural pathways seems like a smart thing for a 42 year old brain to do. I can’t wait to rock out!

For more information on the SelfLove365 project, click here.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 109: Helpful

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Today I risked feeling like too much by sharing this with 70 people at a retreat: for most of my life, I thought I wasn’t very sexual – that I could live the rest of my life without sex and be just fine with that. I feel very differently now. I have changed, my circumstances and relationships have changed, and I am beginning to see the connection between the flow of my sexual energy and the flow of my creative energy. It’s really all the same thing, my life force, and I want it all to be flowing! My experiences have been powerfully healing, beautiful beyond words, and incredibly exciting. I am hopeful that by sharing this with others, I am also being helpful: by giving others hope, by giving them permission to speak up and make changes in their lives, or to have someone to talk to (yes, I would love to talk to you about this!).

To learn more about the SelfLove365 project, click here.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 108: Playful

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I don’t feel playful right now. I’m angry. But, I’m also wearing a rainbow tutu, rainbow leg warmers, and miniature rainbow cake earrings, with sprinkles. Is it possible to be playful and angry at the same time? I suppose it is. I played Marilyn Manson, punched my pillow, and stomped around like a three year old having a temper tantrum (while wearing my tutu). I am playfully angry. I’m hoping to move past the anger into something else, but I can see how that’s just another way for me to resist my anger. For now, I’ll sit with being angry. In my tutu.

For more information about the SelfLove365 Project, click here.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 107: Present

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How can I be truly present to what this moment has to offer me?
(can I stop worrying about how I appear to others?)

How can I be truly present to this person in front of me?
(can I let go of all my pre-conceived ideas of who you are and allow you to show up as someone completely unknown to me?)

How can I be truly present to what my body is telling me?
(can I pause, be still, and listen to the messages?)

What if I’m not truly present?
(can I allow for spacing out, for not being perfect at being present, for being present to something other than the world around or inside me?)

To learn more about the SelfLove365 Project, click here.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 106: Intuition

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Lately, my intuition has been heightened, to the point of sending me signals about things before they even happen. Sometimes I miss the signals, and realize soon afterwards where I had missed them. Recently, though, I have caught the signals, and predicted events before they occurred. It’s been rather freaky! But maybe not, really, since I suppose that’s what intuition implies, isn’t it – a knowing about something before it happens. Maybe my “heightened” intuition is no more than a greater awareness of what was already there to begin with.

I appreciate having the subtle intuition of my body – when it tells me that something I say isn’t going to land quite right, or when it gives me the instinct to change the direction I am taking, to choose another path.

The body is like a radio, picking up frequencies from the universe, translating them into something I can understand. Whether or not I choose to listen is up to me.

To learn more about the SelfLove365 project, click here.

SelfLove365, Year 2, Day 105: Friends

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These are the people who hold me up when I’m feeling down.

These are the wonders who put a smile on my face and listen to me cry.

These are the crazies who sing off-key and understand my silliness.

These are the serious ones who get my quirks and know that I get theirs.

These are the shining lights who I don’t spend a lot of in-person time with, but their online comments cheer me on.

These are the beautiful souls who want to see me, who want to hear me.

Thank you, friends.

<3

To learn more about the SelfLove365 Project, click here.

SelfLove 365, Year 2, Day 104: (little girl)

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Last night, a friend described me as exuberant and outgoing. This description surprised me. Apparently my self-analysis hasn’t changed much from when I was 8 years old; I still see myself as shy, quiet, introverted, and sensitive. Comments like the one I received last night remind me how much my external persona has changed, but also how much I still internally identify as a little girl. She is still wanting, and needing, attention, comfort, safety, security, support, and lots of cuddles.

For more information on the SelfLove365 project, click here.