First of all, I AM AN AUNTIE!! WOO HOO!!
OK.. on with the blog post…
My interpretation of this drawing by Z: my gremlin giving me a hard time.
There is this quality about me that, when it rears its ugly head, I don’t want to be near myself. It’s called, “Being right”. I can get so caught up in being right, that I have trouble noticing what else is going on. This happened to me last night, and again today. This quality is intimately tied to “being noticed”. It leads to thoughts like, “What about me?” and “See what I can do!” and “It should be this way” and “Yeah, but, check THIS out”. Luckily, I am able to keep this mostly in check, and don’t get myself into too much trouble. I know now to steer clear (absolutely, completely) of any discussion around circumcision or religion. But still, when this feeling comes up, I feel yucky. I don’t like it, and I don’t like having it.
To help with this, I am reading “Belief Re-Patterning” by Suze Casey. The book is published by HayHouse Publishing, and written by a Calgary author! My dear friend Shelley Wright is a Belief Re-Patterning practitioner. I’ve had several sessions with her and always get a lot out of them (lots of tears flowing!) Do you ever read a book about a technique and think, “This doesn’t work for me”, but mainly because you haven’t given it a real try? Like, tried it for a month or so? I have definitely done that. This time I am giving it a real try, because I know it works for me when I see Shelley. I can feel a real energy shift when I start re-patterning my beliefs. The idea behind it is to link your negative emotions to more positive thoughts, and thus, a different emotion. For example, I have a certain emotion linked to “being right”. I can exactly express what that emotion is, except to say that it feels draining and negative- something like agitated, I think. With BRP, I would be linking that emotion to a more positive way of thinking so that next time it comes up, I can choose the opposite feeling. There are 6 stages: Forgiveness, Permission, Choice, Freedom, Affirmation and Surrender. It would go something like this, spoken out loud, with an inhale and exhale after each:
1.”I forgive myself for believing that I have to be right.”
2.”I give myself permission to let go of the need to be right.”
and “I give myself permission to let go.” (for example)
3.”I know what it feels like to want to be right, and I know what it feels like to let go. I choose to let go.”
4.”I am free to let go at any time.”
5.”I remember the feeling of letting go when I was giving birth to my son. I can let go when I think of this, at anytime.”
6.”I know how to let go.”
Back to being an auntie…
Not being in the same city as the rest of my family when they were at the hospital today was difficult. My gremlin was very outspoken. Every time someone said, “Wish you were here!”, my gremlin said, “Yeah, why aren’t you there? You should be there. You aren’t showing enough support. You aren’t doing enough. You aren’t enough.” Wow. That’s rough. I’m happy to say that it has been quite awhile since it’s sounded this negative, but still. Time for some more re-patterning!
Also… I notice my tendency to want to dispense advice even though it isn’t asked for. I’ll have to keep that in check. The need to give out advice is based on my experience and what I wished had been different, and really has nothing (or not much) to do with what is actually going on with my brother and my sister-in-law. Plus, I’m sure this has a lot to do with wanting to “be right”.