Moving on.

It’s been a downer kind of a day. I submitted my art to a juried art show, and it was rejected. I realize that artists have there work rejected all the time, that I’m in good company, but it still stings. Especially when I have been on such a high, for so long, and feeling really good about my work.

“Moving On”

 

Today has been a questioning kind of day. Is my art really any good? Does it matter that my paintings were rejected? Will this affect my work? Well, I did add quite a bit of black to my canvases today, but even though that’s because of how I am feeling, I also realized that I was missing black from my paintings before. They were almost too joyful, and they didn’t feel quite like me yet. They are getting there, and I will continue to make art that I want to make. I know not everyone will like them, but my hope is that I there are enough people who do and want to buy them – because I don’t want to keep my paintings for very long after I make them! [As a side note here.. yes, I do also donate paintings for silent auctions or related fundraising events]

Today was made just a little bit harder because my 6 year old son spent a full day at school. It was a day for them to meet their next-year-Grade-9 buddies (Grade Ones get paired with Grade Nines), and spend the full day with the senior kindergarten kids. I was really looking forward to having a full day to myself. Relaxation! Bliss! Quiet!

I was lost.

I almost crumbled to bits every time someone asked me “How are you?”, including the cashier at Safeway. Safeway was the loneliest place for me today, because he is always with me when I shop – he’s been with me for the last 6 years. I’m still feeling pretty fragile. When my girls reached grade one, it was exciting, but now that it’s my son, my baby, it’s heart-wrenching. I’m feeling the first taste of empty-nest syndrome, and it’s not fun. I wandered around aimlessly for some time today, and then felt guilty for not getting anything done. Oh, and lonely.

Perfect time to get a puppy, right??

Reminiscing.

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6 thoughts on “Moving on.

  1. Esther

    Bel, this is so very touching, and brings back so many memories. The rejection thing – well, I’ve been dealing with that for a long time – every time I sent a pattern in and it was rejected, and there were so many. Always a huge downer, because no matter what I told myself, no matter how many times I said it didn’t matter, – truth was it did, on some very basic level. None of us likes rejection. You do your art and I do my knitting/weaving for ourselves first, but there is always that element of wanting others approval to make it that much more enjoyable. Get enough of it, and it becomes part of the equation, sometimes, too much so. I don’t want to say you get used to it, but maybe you stop craving it so much.

    The empty nest thing – no cure there. None at all. Keep busy. Do things you like, or spend time doing nothing. This you do get used to though, – well sort of. Just stages of life, I guess. You will have many of these milestones, and each is heartwrenching but wonderful at the same time.

    I love you, honey.
    xo
    Ma

    Reply
  2. Joana

    Totally understand both things: the rejection and the empty-nest feeling. Hope you feel better. By the way, I love love LOVE your Moving On Painting. I just read about you on Jenny Doh’s blog and I’m glad I found you!

    Reply

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