Kids Say the Funniest Things

My kids are always begging me to read from their baby books. I try not to do it too often, so it will seem fresh and funny each time we read it. And it’s working. We get so many chuckles out of the things they said when they were little! Here’s a sample – I hope you enjoy it!

Me: “Are you going to use the potty when you are 3?”

My son at 2 yrs, very seriously: “Me think about it.”

After showing him my husband’s downhill skis, my son asked, “Which ones are uphill?”

At 3 1/2 yrs: “When I grow up, I’m not going to get married. I’m just going to drive an ice cream truck.” After some thought, “How will I get it to New York? How long will it take? What if they run out?”

Me, after listening to my son brag about how quick his H1N1 shots were (and this after dreading the shot, with tears and such): “You are a macho man!”  Him: “I’m not macho! I’m just a man!”

My son at 3 1/2: “How does Rudolph turn his nose off?”

“Days will come, even when we die” (woah, that one was heavy for a 3 year old).

My favorite by my son at 4 years old: “Why does Buzz [Lightyear] go to infinity? I’m not even sure that’s a real place!”

“When someone is selling a house, is there a realtor AND a fake-tor?”

After talking about how good pasta is in Italy, “Mom, can I go to Pasta World?”

Me, explaining parts of the body: “These are kidneys.” Him: “Where are the adult knees?”

Now for my daughter Z:

At 2 years, looking at the moon, “Need a ladder!”

At 4 years, she liked to tell her daddy, “You’re on the list of NO-SINGERS!!”

One night, she was very concerned about wasps stinging her.  Z: “What if you die first? Who will make meals if you die?” Me: “You can!” Z: But I won’t know the ingredients!” Me: “That’s what cookbooks are for.” Z: “But what if I can’t read?” Me: “Someone will help you.” Z: “How will I get rid of the wasps?” Me: “I plan on living a long time, but how about if I leave a number of someone you can call?” Z: “I’m just tired now, Mom” (in other words, please leave!).

A similar conversation about death, at bedtime. Z: “Mommy, what happens if you die? How will I know what’s baking soda and what’s baking powder?”  Me: ” Do you want me to show you?” Z: “Yes!!”

Me: “I don’t remember things very well.” Z at 5 years old: “I guess your brain isn’t very smart.” A minute later, “Do I need to apologize for that?”

My other daughter (Z’s twin sister) O:

At 2 years old: “I’m wearing a tank top to cover my nipples!”

Me: “My eyes don’t work very well without glasses.”  O: “Maybe you need batteries?”

O: “Are you big?” Me: “Yes.” O: “You are just a little bit big?” Me: “Yes.” O: “You stopped growing?” Me: “Yes.” O: “Who pressed the STOP button?”

After telling my daughters (4 yrs. old) that I was pregnant, O said to my belly, “Hello baby, welcome to our land.” Then, “How did the sperm get inside you?” Me: Do you remember where sperm comes from?” O: “Dad’s penis. But how did that happen if dad was at work the day you made the baby?” (since I told her about it when my husband was at work!).

At 7 years old: “Why does a bee die if it stings someone? Does it have its soul in the stinger?”

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